Friday, November 04, 2005

Terrell Owens: Humanitarian of the Year

In the least surprising sports news item of the NFL season, Terrell Owens has again blasted the Eagles and Donovan McNabb. In an ESPN interview he agreed with some comments made by Michael Irvin that the Eagle's would be better off with Brett Favre at quarterback and probably undefeated. Then he went on to rip the Eagles for not having the class to celebrate his 100th TD with the pomp and fanfare he deserves.

First , I can't put into words how much I hate this guy. I root for bad things to happen to Owens every week. I don't care what it is. Dropped balls and bone-crushing hits that leave his mouth paralyzed forever are a couple that come to mind. For him to repeatedly trash his quarterback and one of the genuinely good guys in the league is not only wrong but downright stupid. I mean this is the guy that will decide if he wants to throw you the ball. And to accuse his own organization of lacking something (class) of which he doesn't have a shred of, is just ridiculous. I'm so tired of athletes trying to make themselves into the victim. I watched Karl Malone do this over and over in Utah. It's boring, childish, and definitely gives us a clue about the insecurities some of these guys have. Andy Reid and the Eagles ought to go all "Godfather" on his ass and leave a horse's head in his bed tonight. Actually, animal rights activists might hunt me down for that statement so maybe other messages could be sent to Terrell in the spirit of the Godfather. A couple of ideas:

1. Make him an offer he can't refuse. Donovan and all his offensive lineman show up at T.O's house to present him with some options. Either he shuts up and plays hard or......ah hell......screw the options, just rip his tongue out and render him speechless for the rest of his life. And yes, I know I'm demented.

2. Tell him he's going to sleep with the fishes. Maybe a threat of a trade to play under Gus Frerotte with the Dolphins would help him shut up. Since the Dolphins are actually a pretty decent team and someday might have a decent QB, this might be too much of a reward for him.

3. Even better, threaten to trade him to the Texans. Actually, don't threaten, just do this. He deserves this. The Texans don't, but I'm all about making T.O. hurt here.

4. Give him the Kiss of Death. Remember in the Godfather II that look Fredo got on his face after Michael kissed him and said, "I know it was you Fredo". Classic "holy crap, I'm screwed" look. This is the look we want for T.O. ---I've figured out how to achieve this. Lure Owens into a secure area of the Eagle's facilities. Lock him, Keyshawn Johnson, and former Eagle receiver Freddie Mitchell (the guy who thanked his hands for being so great....and then was cut) in a room together for at least a month. To recoup some cash, the Eagles could sell footage of this for a reality show.


Did I mention I hate this guy?

2 comments:

Sports Litter said...

Oh come on, where's the update on your post? Didn't you hear TO apologized today? I didn't bother clicking the link because I care about TO as much as you do, but I swear I saw a headline that said "TO Apologizes"

The Armchair Quarterback said...

Your right. Update posted soon. I guess that consulting fee I'm getting from the Eagles is really paying off.